I felt that the misquote from Shakespeare above (the actual quote from All’s Well That Ends Well is’ Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises’) had a real resonance with an article by Sian Griffiths in The Sunday Times – ‘Top schools face mental health crisis.’ The key points related to an increase in self-harm, eating disorders and depression amongst young people – this was linked to exam pressures, social media and family breakdown. An A* or A grade at GCSE and A Level seem to be the ‘only acceptable currency for aspirational youngsters to deal in’ plus the ‘right’ university and therefore ‘good career’ – all the while, ‘constantly try to look their best on social media.’ It was interesting to note that, ‘teenage drinking, underage sex, drug use and smoking have dropped compared with ten years ago – teenage rebellion has been replaced by a surge in mental instability.’

After reading this article and also speaking to a numbers of parents and friends that had children who were suffering from the pressures of everyday society, I thought that it would be really useful to explore the topic and see what schools were doing to help their students.

I spoke with an Accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist with the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists and asked her some questions – here is what she said:

What do you think are the main causes of anxiety and stress amongst children/young people?

It is an increasingly complicated world for us all, especially for the young. Feeling that we constantly have to prove ourselves through results carries a high price. Technology has fuelled a huge increase in anxiety-based issues, allowing self-criticism to take hold through the perceived judgement of others. Young people are feeling very pressured to deliver high results in a culture that has changed enormously in the last 15 years. The increase of mental health issues around self-esteem and anxiety is overwhelming with three young people in every classroom with a mental health problem and 1 in 6 young people suffering from anxiety. No one is harder on themselves than the child or young person; holding onto an overwhelming sense of letting everyone done, with a fear of causing disappointment, which in turn, leads to as sense of shame.

How might anxiety manifest itself in young people? What are the signs?

If young people feel that they are not heard, and respected for their views, they then turn that negativity back into themselves and internalise these complex thoughts and emotions. This can lead to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. More complex issues can develop in time, as there is a marked increase in self-harming, eating disorders and OCD. These are seen as coping mechanisms for the young person. By the age of 7 or 8 children will be aware of the constant competition and expectations they face. The will possible be already internalising doubts and fears around their belief of how they see themselves. This is not just exams, but also socially and with our culture of perfection they feel not as pretty, clever, popular…and so it goes on. Social media is there to remind us that everyone else’s lives are better than ours!

What are the differences between Prep and Senior School pupils on terms of the stress they might face?

If children, by the age of 7 or 8 start to show signs of low self-worth, as they develop, with the natural complexities of adolescence, these doubts can increase at an alarming rate. A nurturing environment: allowing the child to feel secure in their boundaries, with consistency and love, is the best we can do in early life. Secure building blocks with strong attachments will give them the best start. As they approach senior school, if that early conditioning is in place, they will be better equipped to deal with the natural challenges faced today. ‘I am worried that I will be judged’ is the most common comment I hear from young people. ‘Who is the judge?’ I might say. ‘Everybody’, they say. I see that as their belief that they are going to be criticised whatever they do. How scary is that!

What can parents do if they are concerned about their children?

Children and young people have a way of acting out that things are going wrong for them. Watch out for the signs. Maybe it is a change in sleep patterns or eating habits. Perhaps they are angry or get upset easily. Perhaps they are talking less and retreating behind a game console or iPad. Listen very carefully to them. The car is a great place for a chat. They feel less pressure than having to look at you answering questions that they may not know the answer to. Let them hear your acceptance in how they feel. A big hug can often say more than a thousand words.

These questions and answers were really helpful when I spoke to my parents at school as we tried to guide and help them when there were difficulties with their children. Top schools, be it prep or senior, have a number of strategies when promoting emotional well-being. The strategies to look out for when visiting schools might be: a supportive whole school ethos which builds a sense of community based on the values of kindness, resilience, integrity etc; awareness of the importance of mental health; inclusion of pupil voice and peer mentoring; provision of clear welfare plans and pathways for help and referral for a student.

I would also highlight that the best schools have layers of support networks in place – usually in three distinct areas:

• The Boarding House – House parents, tutor, matron, older pupils, peers
• Health Centre – nurses, doctors, counsellor
• The Education – taught lessons on mental health and emotional well-being, pastoral education for staff, regular meetings and discussions

Finally, with regard to Shakespeare’s quote concerning ‘expectation’ – it is clear that the formula created by Tim Urban in his article, ‘why Generation Y Yuppies are Unhappy’ show that Happiness = Reality – Expectation i.e. when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they’re unhappy.

Food for thought.